Secret City Scene

2003-06-21T21:30:00.000-04:00

Communications At Last!!

A Big Kudzu to BellSouth... On Wednesday something happened to my phone line. Sometimes I had a dial tone and sometimes I didn't. When I did have one, I also had a horrid hum on the line that kept my modem from connecting. It took them until Saturday (today) to get it fixed.

And they are laying off 500 more service personnel by Fall. Way to go.

2003-06-11T22:05:00.000-04:00

Family Disunions

Reunion time for all the Sisters and Brothers and Cousins and Aunts ad nausem of this girl.

Like everyone else in Oak Ridge, my family is Not From Around Here. That makes me feel kinda good about Oak Ridge... That there are Strange Folk in other places too.

This reunion is held every year on the birthday of my Great-Grandmother (who was ALIVE AND KICKING THE TAR out of those who didn't obey her until she was 98 years old). I remember her quite clearly---she passed on, as they say, when I was in college. That was some years ago, but we keep the reunion on her birthday anyway. She still presides over us via a rather severe oil portrait that channels her spirit. I am not kidding. It gets ceremonially put in the chair at the head of the main table by her only surviving daughter (a youthful 84 herself now) and we all drink a toast to her while she looks sternly disapproving. This is something of a jest because, alive, she didn't hold with spirits at all. She did have some special medicine that she got from a mail-order place that she drank on those rare occasions when she was feeling unwell. According to the alcohol content on the label it was rather more spirited than you would expect. But, she always maintained, it was for medicinal purposes. It made her feel well, right? That's what medicine does! Who can argue with that? Not me and my first cousin Jeff, who used to go behind the outbuildings in the garden to, ah, read the label.

I have a distant relation of some kind who is about 8 years old, and she livened up the party this year, inadvertantly, of course. (The only time children contribute much to a gathering is when it is inadvertant, in my opinion.) The child observed all the reverence being paid to the sacred sainted memory of my great-grandmother, and then tugged on her mother's shirt, pointed at the picture, and started to say something. Her mother, apparently anticipating what she thought the child wanted to know, explained that that was her umpitty-Great Mammaw and that she was in Heaven.

This child looked with scorn at her mother and said, "I know that, Mommy. I know that's God. But why is He wearing a dress?"

To say that this did not go down well with most of the older relatives (many of whom are strict Church of Christ), is an understatement. To say that it was the highlight of the entire event for those of us who are a little younger and more sinful is also an understatement.

Mammaw would have loved it, though. This child would have had her approval.

As for me, I'm going to be just like Mammaw when I get to be old. She can channel through me anytime. The portrait can go hang. :-)

Kudos and Kudzus

Just to make it clear, a Kudzu is the opposite of a Kudo: no one wants it.

We in Oak Ridge have a Dead Mall. The only two flourishing businesses down in that shopping center very wisely decided not to be physically attached to the mall proper. Thus, the rot that killed the mall has not spread to their healthy limbs. The movie theater---well, that was so it could get parking on more sides of it, I think. But the Super Wal-Mart---that was more of Sam's saavy, I suspect. (Now Sam...That's another icon who is probably channeling from beyond the grave.)

So we have this humongeous Wal-Mart. It has food, it has clothes, it has cat litter by the 25-pound bag. It has electronics and video games and chainsaws. It has Big Orange regalia, and even Oak Ridge Wildcats gear. [I nearly decided to boycott it when I saw a Clinton (Tennessee) Dragon T-shirt there. Lord, Sam's people will sell *anything* to make a buck.]

It has twenty-six checkout lanes, and there are never more than five open at one time. There are always 5 people in each line, minimum. Even if I have only 20 items (or pretend I only have 20 items until I get to the checkout counter and then find to my "surprise" that I have actually selected enough stuff to feed and clothe an army of Vols fans for six months), I have a wait of about 15 minutes.

Even on days when snow is predicted and every soul in the Tennessee Valley is in our Wal-Mart buying food so they won't starve to death in Oak Ridge in case the snow lays, there are no more than maybe 10 checkout lanes open, and of course there are several hundred people there.

(Why does Sister shop there? Not for the customer service, that's for damn sure.)

So. They build a horrendous big store, they stock it with zillions of items, and they attract shoppers by the hundreds. They have 26 checkout lines, but it takes 15 minutes to get through one. The others seem to be just for show, or are they saving them for seed? Could they be too cheap to staff their big store properly? Gee, thanks.

So, Wal-Mart,
KudZU to YOU!

2003-06-04T19:29:00.000-04:00

The Post-Election Post

Good job, Ridgers! The Unaccountable 7 tanked.

The Name Game, Part 2

You can always tell a foriegner by how they say "Oak Ridge." Any native will say "oak RIDGE." Foreigners say "OAK ridge." Now some foreigners say it right, but you can bet that anyone who says it wrong is Not From Around Here.

2003-06-02T09:16:00.000-04:00

The Usual Message
The election is tomorrow. You know what to do. Do it.

Conference of International Importance Coming Up!

Have you noticed how entrepreneurs from Nigeria and other nations in that part of the world are starting to dominate the E-mail marketing business with their generous proposals to charitably share some of the money that the current dictator/persident/regieme has stolen from them/their father/their husband/their child? And all they need from us in order to share their $$ zillions is our bank account information.

American entrepreneurs are being left behind! Now you can catch up on the ins and outs of this lucrative art at the The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference. Conference offerings include, "Grammatical Errors: what's the optimal number?" and "Are Ten Million E-Mails a Day Too Many?" This confernce has everything our E-Mail Entrepreneurs need to get with the program. As the site says, "Write better emails. Make more moneys." Check it out.

Who's to Blame? The Name Game, Part 1

When, and how, did Neyland (as in Drive) start being pronounced as KNEE-land? I grew up here, hell I was born here, and somewhere down the long years since then good old NEY-land has been corrupted. Whodunnit? How do you even get "KNEE" out of "Ney?" I bet it was one of these imported Northern DJs.

2003-05-31T01:24:00.000-04:00

Parlez-Vous Francais? No Way!
In the interests of international cooperation (or non-cooperation, as the case may be), let's not forget how signally France failed to support the USA during the Iraq war. The word "allies" must not translate into French. To help remember, take a look at this stuff:
http://www.cafeshops.com/franceandus

Very cool, n'est-ce pas?

(BTW I am a huge fan of CafeShops.Com because you can find so much originality and variety there, from things designed by people who must be crazier than a Junebug to things designed by exceptional artists, closet comics, and creative genuises. CafeShops.com is my first choice for gifts because there is literally something there for ANYEONE.)

2003-05-31T01:04:00.000-04:00

The Oak Ridge City Election is zooming down on us, so let's look at some of the other candidates today. The slate for City Council seats is somewhat grim.

Childress and Haerer are running on a "cut taxes" platform, but unfortunately they don't give a patoot what happens to the city or our services as a result. Childress *brags* about being uneducated, which is not exactly reassuring (is the fact that he thinks being uneducated is so great the reason he would like to cut the education budget?).

Haerer says he is running out of greed -- he wants to lower his taxes so his house will be worth more. I know I should appreciate his candor, but I also conclude that anyone fool enough to actually say that is too big of a fool to elect.

Then there's Abbatiello. He is out to do a hatchet job on the Oak Ridge School system. He feels that since all the counties and cities around here have schools that are worse than ours (often a LOT worse), we should join the crowd. Now I am a graduate of the Oak Ridge schools, and I got such a good education there that when I went to college I was able to graduate from college in three years instead of in four... I was so well-educated that I easily tested out of having to take most of the Freshman "core" curriculum.

That was long ago, but Oak Ridge schools are still in the top 100 in the nation, and they are one of the few reasons that anyone actually moves here these days. If Abbatiello wants to lower our educational standards to those of our unfortunate neighbors, then perhaps he and Childress should simply move across the city line. I'll be happy to point it out to them.

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Fads of the Mo (moment)
Want breakfast? Want lunch? Want supper? Go to Panera! I am addicted to bananna nut muffies, asiago cheese bread and bagels, and their roast beef & asiago cheese sandwiches. Best not to mention Secret City Sister's *secret* vice, which goes by the name of a cream brownie. Panera, if you were a man I would take you to bed and eat... No, let's not go there.

2003-05-31T00:34:00.000-04:00

It's City Election time in the Secret City, and in my secret heart-of -hearts, I'm appalled at some of the candidates and choices.

Today let's take a little peek at the self-described "Accountability 7." These folks are
Steve Mead
Martin McBride
Terry Weaver, Sr.
Dr. David Stanley
Lee Roy Gilliam
John Clark
Norm McCollough

Their goal is to be elected in a bloc so that they can control the Charter Commission, which will be examining the City Charter of Oak Ridge. If even four of these seven people get elected, they will control the commission.

What kind of changes do they propose to make in the City Charter if they can swing it?
They have a list of five "reforms" on their garish website, http:// www.oakridgeaccountability.org.

1. Elect council members from separate and distinct election districts within the city.

In a larger place, or one with some truly distinct ethnic districts, I would agree. But Oak Ridge? No point to it.

2. Electing a full-time, salaried mayor to replace the current council-selected voluntary mayor and professional city manager.

Well, okay, I do like this one. But as Daddy always says, even a stopped clock is correct twice a day.

3. Reduce the number of petition signature requirements for the recall of elected officials within Oak Ridge.

Hmmm, do you think they might have it in for one of our elected officials? Could the so-called "Accountability 7" *possibly* have an axe to grind? Wouldn't it be great if only a *few* people were needed to recall an elected official, who presumably got a majority of the city-wide vote when he or she was elected? Oh, yeah. I wonder if the number of votes they'd like the petition to require might be…umm…seven?

4. Change the current Oath of Office for elected and appointed Oak Ridge officials to add a pledge for them to "Represent, Serve, and be Accountable to the Citizens of Oak Ridge."

This is what my Mom called "Sweet Nothings." It's feel-good camoflauge that does no harm but makes no real difference either. It's purpose is to lull you into thinking these are great folks who truly care about Oak Ridge and to distract you from the *real issues* they intend to tackle if they are elected. And hey, notice the word "Accountable" in there? Notice that nice tie-in to the sobriquet "The Accountability Seven?" Pretty smart PR, huh.

5. Formulate an Oak Ridge Taxpayers Bill of Rights, which includes a requirement that all city tax rate increases and all long-term debt increases be authorized via citizen votes.

Now this sounds pretty nifty, unless you go and take a look at the details of their self-crafted "Taxpayers Bill of Rights." A couple of the things it is designed to do is to reduce the flexibility that the City Government has when it comes to allocating funds for various needs, and to benefit Realtors. It would institute a cart-load of cumbersome procedures and paperwork as well. Me, it made me mad right off because the "Preamble" reads like a self-serving parody of the Bill of Rights of the United States, which is a document I revere with all my heart.

Now I have always loved the things the League of Women Voters (LWV) do at election time, so I went over to their site to take at look at some facts (I know, I know, folks hate it when I do that). But sometimes a few facts can tell you more about a candidate than all the campaign rhetoric in the Valley. Their info packet on the election is http://www.oakridgecharter.com/LWVpacket.pdf.

Guess what? Five of the so-called "Accountability 7" "declined" to fill out the LWV's questionnaire! I guess they were too "accountable" to give an accounting to the people they hope will elect them!

The League did what it could, including researching to see if these people had actually cared enough about Oak Ridge to vote in the last 8 city elections. To their credit, three of the seven voted in all of the 8 past elections…but three of them only voted in 2 of the past 8 elections (and it was not the most recent two either), while one only voted in 3 of the past 8 elections.

Methinks this group is mis-named. The UNaccountable Seven is more like it.

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Something else about the "Accountability 7." They are all men. They couldn't get even one woman to be part of their movement… And that, folks, speaks volumes to Secret City Sister.

2003-05-30T22:42:00.000-04:00

I guess I'll just jump right in! This is Secret City Sister, blogging from Secret City Scene...and the view from here is P-retty Straaange, lemme tell you! After all, when I look out at the surrounding environs, what do I see? East Tennessee. Lord help me, but I love it here anyway.